A snapshot of these days...

• I am spending almost no time writing, but much time thinking and doing. Some time reading. This is the third blog post for 2013!
• We are counting the final couple of weeks until the birth of our fifth baby. We're trying to not wish the days away, but to make memories while we wait.
• We're still glad to be home educating.
• Due to my present round condition, our approach to home ed is very fluid and varied. A birth certainly makes for some excellent science though!
• We are having a year of rest from leading and hosting a weekly home group.
• We're enjoying the extra logistical and emotional space in the week.
• We're thinking about the past years of home group/Gospel community experience we've had. Thinking about what has been helpful and trying to make sense of things which weren't. 
• We're enjoying getting to know some new people. 
• We're really enjoying be with friends who love Jesus, especially when we gather on Sunday nights. For most of the last seven years it's been hard work (helping little kids learn to be part of a church gathering, rather than sending them off to a kids program). Now it is a real joy on lots of levels. So very worth the effort.
• We're appreciating having had two years to get to know our neighbourhood. It's fun to imagine what could happen here over time.
• Our little library is still being quietly used. Strangers leave books to share. Our books disappear (and occasionally come back). A few people have left notes for us. And sometimes it is mistaken for a letter box.
• I am learning to be more amazed at Jesus' world as I take time with the children to be curious about it. So much more the awe of Jesus from whom and for whom it all exists.
• I want to slow down and pray more. I'm tired of multitasking.
• I am surprised by the extremes held in each day. Joy and frustration, hard work and pleasure.
• I'm appreciating that I can send the 8 year old to archery classes for 90mins and it only costs $7! 
• The television is not working and I am glad. DVDs get a good workout though.
• The Kindle is the 8 year old's favourite device. I like that he can read without the distractions the ipad holds. He likes the convenience of the immediate purchase of the next book in the series.
• The biggest kids are actually becoming quite competent and independent in tasks which help our household function. Mostly.
• I need to learn how to deal with the chemistry of personalities among the children. Sometimes volcanic!
• We love Grand Designs.
• I read a paragraph of Calvin's Institutes every now and then. I am always glad when I do. 
• I am realising that the years are coming when we won't have small children around. That will be sad. I find their cuteness buoyant.
• I am looking forward to the era when I can sit once again with Bible and pen and paper for hours. For now, I am grateful for the stolen, interrupted and shared paragraphs of truth and life and light.  

Photo by Nail &Twine photography

The garden grows!

I have been moving quite slowly in recent months, but the garden has really gained pace. I thought I'd share something I enjoy watching each day. Actually, since I took these photos most plants have gained an extra half metre in height and breadth.

January 2013

It is truly grace that in this broken, decaying world, God still makes beautiful things grow. And it is grace that he allows us to share in the pleasure of cultivating something out of not much at all. For the "not much at all" pictures, see this old post.

growing some shade (and some fruit!)

For the Children's Sake

This year my reading list has been quite mixed up. Some lovely junior fiction to keep ahead of my son; some lovely fiction for me and some lovely resources to help me help my children as we home educate. In the latter category is, "For the Children's Sake", by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay.

The first thing to say, is that it is not a book only for home educators/home schoolers, which keeps my heart rate in a more comfortable place. The second thing is that the book unpacks and applies the educational approach of Nineteenth century English educator, Charlotte Mason. The ideas are old ones.

This book has done me good. It has challenged me to look beyond the bare, socially acceptable minimum, to what is really good for my children. Primarily, what children need to learn and mature with a meaningful, relationally rich and deep education. This book is not at all prescriptive, but it gave me a head full of wonderful pictures of what a good childhood might be.

As I read I never felt patronised or disheartened or condemned. Schaeffer Macaulay writes with such courtesy and respect for the reader. She does write with a personal passion for what is really good. This is not a dry, emotionally detached essay. I know some people might find that she rambles, but I find her writing warm and friendly. After the early chapters the style becomes more concise.

While passionate, this book is realistic and not at all legalistic. There is a variety of life situations families find themselves in, which makes idealism very unhelpful. Schaeffer Macaulay encourages people to consider the actual good that is possible, rather than impossible ideals. She recognises that there are a lot of contexts within which good things for children can be achieved. The uniqueness of each situation means that the book is about principles which the author trusts the reader to work out in their own sphere.

With this diversity in view, Schaeffer Macaulay addresses not just parents, but all adults who have anything to do with children. She has nuggets of usefulness for all sorts of people. Even Sunday school teachers and Scripture teachers are addressed in this book, in helpful ways. This honours the fact that children are raised and educated in communities and a network of relationships.

There are several theological points at which I really wish Schaeffer Macaulay was tighter and more precise in how she expresses herself. Disconnected pieces of the gospel of Jesus and a Christian worldview are there, but I would never rely on the book to form a whole, biblical understanding of either. Nevertheless, her perspective on how children learn and how to relate richly with them is invaluable.

There are very few books I will read more than once, but this one will get another reading some time. Google and you will find it!

Still here, just expanding behind the scenes

Blogging, among many other things, has halted in recent months. I have been extremely busy attempting to lay on the couch all day for months. I am just coming out of the early stages of growing our next baby. 

This new person is due to arrive in June 2013, which is lovely. We'll see what God has in store.

I am finally feeling well enough to water the garden, eat vegetables and write a blog post. It is truly marvelous! Even still, I am not sure I will ever feel energetic again.

As for a blog post of great substance and thoughtfulness, that might have to come another day.

Kids in Colossians (3)

I'm still reading Colossians with the kids over morning tea. I am a bit behind in documenting it though! I am enjoying just reading a verse or two with them and the children telling it back to me in their own words; us all asking our own questions of the verses and reading more for the answers. Several weeks ago, "hope" came up, 

"We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love that you have for all the saints, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven." 

We asked, what is hope?

The five year old responded, "Is it when you really want your mum to take you on family holiday to South West Rocks tomorrow, but you know she probably won't?"

The conversation unfolded about how Christian hope is VERY different from that. Hope through Jesus is looking forward to what we are completely sure will happen. It is not wishful thinking. It is not a maybe/if anticipation.

Also, hope because of Jesus actually changes what we do now ("the love you have for all the saints*, because of the hope laid up for you in heaven."). *Saints meaning all people who belong to Jesus.

Giving in to motherhood

"I don't know how you do it!"
I'm sure everyone with more than two children hears that regularly. Four is not a large number of children, but at least where I live, it seems worthy of comment. Add home education to the mix and you have a lot of conversations where people's imaginations run wild with chaos and trembling.

Whatever "it" is, I'm not doing it. I just don't do much other than the activities directly connected with my children (have you noticed how little I write these days?). I've given up trying to fit other things in regularly. I write these thoughts for public reading because most mums need to be reminded to give in to motherhood and do less of other stuff at some point. I certainly need to be reminded often.

In giving in to motherhood, I'm learning that freedom does not equal child-free. When I stop resenting that "hemmed in" feeling and give in to caring for my children, I'm noticing it is much easier to serve happily. It is a painfully learned discipline which is being worked out over years. 

Over time, parts of my routine that I thought I could never live without have been peeled away. A whole lot of things slide off the edge of life as I give in to the needs of these particular people and as there are more people in our family. Most days I feel completely beyond myself, but it is good. When I shift out of self preservation mode it is easier (but never easy!) to be spent.

As I give in, there are fewer tangible achievements to measure. I have little to show for my time (apart from mess). Not many things to pin my identity on. There is also the battle to make sure I am not trying to measure my own value and success by my children's development and performance. What a terrible, unfair burden to afflict children with. It's good to be aware of this dynamic.

In the painful process of learning and re-learning this, I am left with nothing and no one but Jesus to find identity, joy, freedom and strength. To gain him is worth more than everything which is being peeled away. Please keep reminding me, friends. 

If you're not a mum, could you find a mum to help? Remind her that she need not burden herself with responsibilities God has not given her at the moment.

(And yes, I make the kids have a rest time every day because it is good for them and I need mine. They don't run the household. I still say no more than I say yes. I do get to go out on my own for the odd hour occasionally. We have wonderful helpful people around us. And I am glad and grateful to be doing what we're doing. I am learning to go easy on myself (which is part of the "giving in" - expecting less of myself in other areas). And I take a while to get out of bed in the morning, whenever I can possibly manage it.)

I do not have comments enabled on this blog at the moment, but you are welcome to email me, scw.mckay@gmail.com

Broken families & Jesus, my brother

I am trying to track down some of the cost felt in broken families. The breakage looks different as the years go by. Some people are marred by their own choices; others by the conditions inherited from others. We might be a victim in one relationship at one time, but a perpetrator in another. No one person can clearly see the vastness of the problems and pain. When core relationships are absent, fragile or unsafe, I find it hard to imagine that God would still welcome me.

The very person I have sinned against and failed most is Jesus. Jesus, the very exact imprint of God in humanity, 

"the heir of all things, through whom also [God] created the world. He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power". (Hebrews 1:2-3)

Jesus, the maker and sustainer and heir of all things. There is no one in the world I have sinned against more, but how Jesus treats me is completely unmatched with how I have treated him.

" it was fitting that {God the Father], for whom and by whom all things exist, in bringing many sons to glory, should make the founder of their salvation [Jesus] perfect through suffering.  For he who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one source. That is why he is not ashamed to call them brothers,  saying,
    “I will tell of your name to my brothers in the midst of the congregation I will sing your praise.”

 ...
 Since therefore the children share in flesh and blood, he himself likewise partook of the same things, that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil,  and deliver all those who through fear of death were subject to lifelong slavery.  For surely it is not angels that he helps, but he helps the offspring of Abraham.  Therefore he had to be made like his brothers in every respect, so that he might become a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make propitiation for the sins of the people.  For because he himself has suffered when tempted, he is able to help those who are being tempted."(Hebrews 2:10-18)*

Jesus is not ashamed to be my brother. And he is not ashamed to call me his.

The one person whose opinion actually matters; the one who holds heaven and hell and sets the end of all is not ashamed to be my brother and to call me his. 

Jesus is not ashamed of me. How can this be?

Jesus stooped to be like me in every way but my sin. He stooped to die, tasting and absorbing and eternal death in my place. In dying, Jesus destroyed the power of death and my fearful slavery to it. 

Now alive, having paid the complete price for me, Jesus rules over all and delights to have my in his family. He is not ashamed to call me brother. He is pleased to share his inheritance with me, elevating me infinitely beyond what any of his creatures deserve. 

If you belong to Jesus, he has paid every debt and cleansed every defilement and clothed you in his own perfection, so that HE IS NOT ASHAMED to call you and treat you as his brother. He purchased you when you were his enemy, so that you would be adopted as his son and brought to glory (cf. Romans 5).

For the Christian, the one relationship that means life or death is secure. It is the only relationship in the world which cannot be undone by our poor performance, or anyone else's. Jesus has done everything necessary so that he will be unashamed of his blood purchased brothers forever. The only family which is ultimately safe to be in.

*We can't make sense of this bit of the Bible without reference to the chapters around it (Hebrews) and the Old Testament, so enjoy reading deeply.